A friend of mine had an argument with his Dad.He called him an "old bastard".His Dad replied with"I would have sexually abused you as a child if you weren`t so fucking ugly!".

 

 

Random bloke: "Ere, love, sit on me face"
Her: "Why, is your nose bigger than your penis?"

 

 

I was having customary trouble articulating a joke. My friend commented, 'Keep trying, you'll make a joke'. I remain very proud of my lightning-fast retort: 'What, like your parents did?'

 

 

Boss: You should have been here half an hour ago!
Me: Why??? What HAPPENED???!!

 

 

It's a shame you don't have a glass bellybutton - with your head that far up your arse, you could look out and see where you're going

 

 

 

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

 

 

boys are cheats and liars their such a big disgrace they will tell you anything to get to second baseball, baseball they think their gonna score if you let them get all the way then you will be a whorecultrist studies flowers, geologist studies rocks all guys really want from u is a place to put there cockroaches, bettles, butterflys and bugs they will say anything to see a pair of juggelers and acrobats and a dancing bear named chuck! All guys really wanna do is forget about it no

such luck        - out of the hot chick

 

 

The world's longest name officially used by a person is "Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Shermasn Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Senior" which is composed of 28 words or 192 letters.

 

 

If Your Bad And You Know It.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you're bad and you know it
pull down your pants.

if you're bad and you know it
pull down your pants.

if you're bad and you know it
then you really ought to show it

if you're bad and you know it
pull down your pants.

if your bad and you know it
say rude words

if your bad and you know it
say rude words

if your bad and you know it
the you really ought to show it

if your bad and you know it
say rude words

if your bad and you know it
blow up the entire universe
and kill every living creature in it

if your bad and you know it
blow up the entire universe
and kill every living creature in it

if your bad and you know it
then you really ought to show it

if your bad and you know it
blow up the entire universe
and kill every living creature in it

The Day Nothing Bad Happened
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
one day nothing bad happened.
nobody trod on their dogs tail.
nobody ran over their cat with a lawn mower.
nobody set themselves on fire.
nobody forgot to say their pleases.
nobody forgot to say their thankyous
nobody called andbody a poo-poo head.
there were no hurricanes.
there were no earthquakes.
there were no unnecessarily loud burps.
nothing bad happened that day.
nothing bad at all.
well, nothing bad except for one tiny invasion of killer cornflakes from outer space.
but they were quickly neutralised with milk and eaten before the end of the day,
with no more harm done thana  slightly higher number of people complaining of stomach-ache.
and as the sun set on the day that nothing bad happened,
everybody agreed that it was definately  the first day in the history of earth that nothing bad has happened.

the bad ant
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
once apon a time there was an ant. it looked like an ordianry ant, but it wasnt. it was a bad ant.and the bad ant went along the ground and came to a stick. and the bad ant went up the stick. and the bad ant went over the stick. and the bad ant went down the stick.and the bad ant went along the ground and came to a bit of grass. and the bad ant went up the bit of grass. and the bad anst went over the bit of grass. and the bad ant went down the bit of grass. and then it stopeed. and then it started again. and the bad ant went to las vegas, won ten million dollars and bourght a red sports car. and the bad ant left las vegas. and it came to a stick. and the bad ant drove up the stick ,a nd the bad ant drove over the stick, and the bad ant drove downt he stick. and the bad ant went along the ground and came to a pedestrian crossing and saw an old lady who had fallen over. and the bad ant drove up the old lady. and the bad ant drove over the old lady. and the bad ant drove downt he old lady. and just as the bad ant was about to drive off allong the road again, it heard the old lady cry out for help. and the bad ant turned around and drove back to the old lady, dorve up the old lady and did wheelies on her head. which wasnt very nice. but not really surprising becasue it was a bad ant. THE END