don't start with me, you wont win
dont play stupid with me, im better at it than you.
humpty dumpty was pushed!
its better to let someone think you are an idiot
than open your mouth and prove it.
the more i get to know guys, the more i like dogs.
***everyones entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing
the privellidge***
DONT LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE
I am God, you are my favourite mistake.
i am independant and abusive - stay outta my way.
*~*I had a dream that i still loved you *~* I THINK
I WOKE UP SCREAMING!!!!
there are easier things in life than finding a good
man. like nailing jelly to a tree.
CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A
LIFE"
*....NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF DUMB PEOPLE
IN LARGE GROUPS....*
the next time you think you're perfect, try walking
on water.
he broke my heart, so i broke his jaw
i dont have a cow, so i dont need your bull.
i dont have an attitute problem, its sposed to be
like this.
milk does the body good, but DAMN! how much did u
drink?>?
4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
did you know that 3 out of 4 people make up three
quarters of the population.?
i may not always be right, but im never wrong.
im not as dumb as i am.
i'm having a staring contest with my computer.
live everyday like your ass if on fire
its not cheating if you like what you get.
this isnt burger king, you cant have it your way.
be reasonable, do it my way - for women who take
no crap.
women are stupider than men, coz we date them.
its not that im anti social, i just dont like you.
im only wearing black until they make something darker
im not here right now but if you scream really loudly
into your moniter i might
be able to hear you
i wish i were you so i could be friends with me
did you know that by reading this you have just lost
14 seconds of your life
dont worry, i dont know where i am either
two wrongs dont make a right but 3 lefts do!
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it
makes the ride worthwhile
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
i knew the answers to life, but then they changed the questions.
guys who act like pricks are only making up for what they dont
have.
honk if you love (name), then drive your car into the nearest tree.
Love is like war..:: Easy To Start.. Difficult To End..And.. Impossible
To Forget..!!
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're
in
Save a tree, eat a beaver
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
gravity always wins
time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
women who week to be equal to men lack ambition
smile, it makes people wonder what you're upto.
mental health is overrated
if you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital
dying of
nothing
Be back later...my dog ate my car keys....we are hitchhiking to
the vet's office
We came, we saw, we drank beer
Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils
alcohol cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember
Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why
alcohol releases the inner retard in us all
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
you know its always bussiness doing pleasure with you
Drinking is the answer, I don't remember the question
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
flying is easy, just throw yourself to the ground and miss
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When
it's bad, it's still
pretty good
sure, theres no "i" in team but there is an "m" and "e"
If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it! if my computer
was a horse id
have to shoot it.
I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they
go by
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving
door
We don't have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty
Passwords are like underwear: change them often
When it comes to baldness, it's not about losing more hair, it's
about getting
more head
I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo
The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all
the bad girls live
Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later
Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries
and a DIET
COKE
Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn't brain my damage
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon
I never appoligize! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
I must confess, I was born at a very early age
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to
write with
I invented the cordless extension cord
Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over
I'd smack you but shit splatters!
If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?
mean people suck, nice people swallow.
If a guy masterbates, can it be considered mass murder?
guys are always running through my mind, they dont dare walk....
My wife/husband is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's/boyfriend's house
during a power
failure
Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming
smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips
There is no such thing as a bisexual... just greedy people
Some people say "shoot" instead of "shit." They can't fool me,
man. "Shoot" is
"shit" with two o's
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
Beulah, peel me a grape.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
a man needs a good memory after hes lied
Bother, said Pooh as the brakes went out!
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Apple copyright 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Careful. We don't want to learn from this
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
"Your request for no MSG was ignored." -- fortune cookie
"Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew
it." -- Robin
Insanity runs in my family...it practically gallops
Tough guys don't do math. Tough guys fry chicken for a living
Aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
Jogging is very beneficial. It’s good for your legs and your
feet. It’s also very good
for the ground. It makes it feel needed.
"Count your chickens before they're hatched -- count them whenever
you can." -- The Count from Sesame Street
i live in a parallel tacoverse
`o8734sdbfoiqgfljabsdirybaslusd8u3893928uy.... sorry there was
a spider on my
keyboard
It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading
causes of
statistics
Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my
desk I have a workstation
Why do they call it Safe Mode if you can trash your computer even
worse when
using it than in normal start up
There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand
binary, and
those who have friends
Don't verb nouns
The hokey pokey is not what it's all about
I think that might have made more sense if we watched it dubbed
in Cantonese
It is a known fact that there are an infinite number of worlds,
simply because there
is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not
every one of them is
inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited
worlds. Any finite
number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds,
so the average
population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be
zero. From this it
follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero,
and that any people
you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged
imagination
It takes 47 muscles to :-( and 13 muscles to :-) , but it doesn't
take any muscles
to sit there with a dumb look on your face
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... wait
he does."
History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme
In mathematics, one does not understand things, one merely gets
used to them
Am I a butterfly dreaming I'm a man...
Or a bowling ball dreaming
I'm a plate of sashimi?
Never assume that what you see and feel is real!"
Computers don't actually think. You just think they think. (We
think.)
What's another word for "thesaurus"?"
Programming is an art that fights back.
Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
